Sunday, July 29, 2012

The Jerk

I am 6 weeks along now. According to the things I've read, it means that Baby Blastocyst now has a beating heart, and is still cooking up all those major organs. I read an article on a woman who was born without a uterus and apparently, this is the stage of development where something went wrong and parts didn't get created. It's a little scary. I'm doing very well with my blood sugars, hovering between 85 and 110 (4.7 and 6.1 for those of you who use that measurement), and have actually had more lows, which is a good sign. The scariest was last night around midnight when I was feeling strange so I went downstairs for some water and checked my sugar only to find that it was 55 (3)! I had a peanut butter sandwich, heavy on the white chocolate peanut butter (Mmmmmm!) and this morning I woke up with a normal sugar so all is well.

It looks like we'll have to find a nearby Walmart for my insulin. We went to the local Kroger pharmacy and the Novolin 70/30 that they have is 70 dollars for a bottle! The walmart Humulin 70/30 is 25. Also, I'm down to my last 50 test strips for my meter, testing around 4 times a day, and for the brand of meter that I have at Kroger, it's over $1 per STRIP. So a box of 100 strips (would last roughly a month) is $112. I need insurance. This is ridiculous. I broke down and cried at Kroger, because I feel so guilty. Guilty for it  being so expensive to keep me healthy.

I kind of feel like a douchebag for being pregnant, and ridiculous for feeling like a jerk on top of that. I found out through an awkward conversation that my landlady had a miscarriage last year and they've been trying for a while to have a baby, so there are awkward feels going on. She says it's hard, being in her situation, and it seems like her friends are all having babies around her, and she doesn't mean to be mean or bitchy, but that she's sorry in advance. And I feel awful. I don't talk about being pregnant much, except to Matt and Hannah, and I don't want to be that person. I understand, I really do. I've wanted a baby for so long, and I was the one watching everyone get pregnant while I felt like I couldn't. And watching women like Cuntface have kids, gaaah. It was frustrating, and I understand the upset feels.

I'm scared too. 1/5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I'm automatically at high risk having diabetes. I'll feel better when the ultrasound happens. Just about 2 weeks now until I get to see BB! Now I think it's time for a nap.

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