Difficult Conversations

Today (I guess yesterday now) was Matt's daughter's birthday. When I first met him and we became friends, he was in a relationship with his ex, and they had a daughter on the way. Shortly after she was born, they broke up. He doesn't get to see her anymore, and it's a complicated situation. She is 6 now. I know that around this time, he tends to get a little depressed and I think it might be affecting things with the baby on the way. He hasn't seemed to really be interested in much of anything to do with Lorelai. He's still rubbing my belly and he told her goodbye before he went to work today, but we were at his mom's house looking through some of the clothes we were handed down by one of his cousins and he sat in the corner and played games. Even his mom commented about his apparent lack of interest. I don't know if it's just me and my hormones, but while he doesn't necessarily seem uncaring about the baby coming, something just seems off and I wonder if it has to do with thinking of his daughter and the depression that can bring. I don't really know how to bring it up, though, or if it even needs to be brought up.

Huzz-ah!

The nursery is complete. I want to wait for the morning to take pictures with natural light, but here's a sneak peek at the room.

The wall by the changing table is decorated with the Dr. Who/Disney mashups by Karen Hallion.

She showed a preview on Facebook of the Mulan one that she's working on and of course we'll be getting it when it becomes available.

And now, it's late, it's dark, it's time to turn off the lights and slip into sleep under the stars. Maybe if we're lucky a big beautiful blue box will come to take us away.

Disappointments

Today we went in early for my NST, and like always Lorelai reacted well. She's head down once more, and I'm hoping she stays that way. For the love of god, child, you are not an acrobat. I had Centering next, and found out that I am one of only three of our group that is still pregnant. So we had a mini-Centering where we talked and had our assessments. They told us that since there were only three of us, the MFMs wouldn't be coming downstairs, but that we would go upstairs. So upstairs we went and I got to sit for an entire hour waiting to be seen. HURRAH.

I saw the doctor for a few brief minutes where he looked over my blood sugar logs, made a note of my current insulin dosage, and I asked about the induction date because we are about two weeks away from when I'd been told would be the time of relative induction and we're anxious to make sure that Matt has that day and the next few off work. He didn't want to set a day today, but said that it would likely occur in a week at my next prenatal visit when they would do a cervical check to see if I'm dilating/effaced yet. I may get the induction date on Friday if she's measuring too small.

So there's a week left to wait before we find out when that deadline for pregnancy is.

I realize that if they set the date today it wouldn't be any sooner than if they set it next week, and I'm not terribly anxious to give birth. I just want to know. You know, so I can obsessively plan and count down weeks, days, hours, and minutes. As I do.

However, I'm going to focus on the good. The kiddo is head down, and I got to do my own Group B strep swab, meaning that no strangers were allowed to come near my junk with Q-tips. Now I am going to tuck myself into bed for a nap, and after dinner head over to my mother-in-law's house.

Well that was a bad idea.

Lately I've been feeling neglected in the lovin' department. Matt hasn't seemed interested in initiating any sexy time, or gotten the hints when I've tried to say, "Hey, let's engage in good old fashioned crazy monkey sex." Maybe I'm just not blunt enough, but when it got to the point where I was dry humping his shin, I would have thought the point would have gotten across.

This morning when he got home from class, he gave me a backrub and lots of kisses and well...

And that was possibly a terrible idea, because now I'm having contractions. I'm fairly certain it's just false labor pain again, but I am a little worried because about half an hour to an hour after we had gotten dressed and gone about our lives, my digestive system started acting up, and it's pretty common anywhere from a day to a week before labor for the body to start flushing out waste. HUR HUR HUR.

So now I'm throwing back water and laying with my feet up. Being not pregnant anymore is an attractive thought, I will admit, but she isn't allowed to come just yet. At the very least wait one more week! Preferably all three.

Done with today

Today hasn't been the best. I found out today that my therapist is moving to another practice. There are still two months before she goes, and we talked minimally about options for my continuation when she moves. To be honest, I've built a rapport with her, and find it discomforting to think of talking to someone else. One thing she suggested for when my time with her ends is that perhaps Matt and I could seek out couple's therapy together, after I talked at length about my anger and frustrations, and a lot about the way I've felt lately.

After therapy, I was moody, uncomfortable, and cold. I snapped at Matt, he got upset and we ended up fighting and brooding in Carytown.

The last print I'm waiting on for the nursery hasn't come in still. If it's not in by tomorrow, I need to contact the artist. She said that the large prints tend to come in a day or two after the other prints. Hopefully it didn't get lost in the mail.

I'm still stressed about just how behind I am in genetics. There's a real possibility that I won't get a C, and we'll be using Matt's tax return money to pay for my class. That's depressing.

My Leave of Absence request for school was denied because the document didn't accept my electronic signature. It's an easy fix - I just have to print it out and sign it manually and then scan and e-mail it back, but it was depressing to get the denial letter and freak out for thirty minutes before I got in touch with my financial counselor to find out why/what needed to be done.

I'm just finished with today and everything about it. I'm thinking about dragging Matt off to Walmart to get The Avengers on blu ray so that I can console myself with my Hulk feels.

Anger Management

I've been off my Prozac for about a week now. At first it wasn't intentional. I had a few days where I was so busy that I forgot to take it, and then when I realized that I hadn't been taking it I started wondering if I've gotten to the point where I'm okay without it. So I just didn't take it further. And well, it's possible that was a bad idea. I've just been getting more frustrated and angry with Matthew as the week has gone on. I feel a lot like Stitch.

It could be the stress from class. I'm in my last week and so far behind, and just completely overwhelmed. I'm exhausted but keep having to leave the house for one thing or another, or being pulled in one direction or another, and I just can't focus or even attempt to get anything done. I'm panicking, I don't want to fail. Is it just this extreme stress, and should I wait out another week to when my leave of absence from the University starts? Or should I go back on medication and not try again for a while to come off of it?

Blarg. In the meantime, I just want to hit something.

Also, this baby is transverse this week. Please, Lorelai, will you just turn your head downwards and stay that way? Goddamn.

Showered

Today was my baby shower. My mother-in-law and aunts-in-law (Is that a thing? Now it is.) hosted it at my MIL's house and it was perfect. Not a ton of people, about 11, and a lot of fun. We opened presents and ate, talked, and laughed a lot. It was nice to be surrounded by family and friends, though I felt guilty that I couldn't do much to help despite the fact that I was explicitly told not to. Ha ha.

I was completely spoiled, by everyone. :) And now to collect addresses so that I can start writing out thank you cards. It was incredibly fantastic to feel just how loved my daughter and I are by the people who came to celebrate with us.

I also absconded with an amazing amount of fruit and pepperjack cheese so tonight I am snacking like nobody's business while I finish up laundry. :D PEPPERJAAAACK!

I gave Tonie and Lori beach themed yummy smelling things as hostess gifts, and spent the better part of Saturday searching the city for a March birthstone pendant for Joy. I told her I wasn't sure if she liked thin or thicker chains so I still needed to take her out to choose a chain for the necklace. :)

I also got seriously lucky because I was looking for hours for a pendant like this and when I finally found it at Kohls, they were getting rid of their birthstone pendants like this and I got it with a $70 discount, so I have more monies to make sure that the chain we buy for her is a nice one. :)