Many of the women due in the same month as I am are taking their Glucose Tolerance Tests now. Two or three of the women in my Centering group have had theirs. I would be scheduled for one in the coming weeks but hey, already have the beetus. And as there are failures, some women are joining the ranks of the diabetic. It all culminates in a feeling like I want to lock these women away in the closet and never have to see their faces again, and I think it's just jealousy, plain and simple.
It's the complaining that I can't stand, mostly. Complaining that they have to watch what they eat or else they'll have to go on insulin (boo hoo, cry me a river that you don't have to do the injections right now. My lord, what a terrible world you live in.) They complain that they're 28-30 weeks along and say things like "ugh, I have to restrict what I eat for 12 weeks!?" Congratulations, you have three months of frustration and struggles ahead with food and your blood sugar. For women who are diabetic all on their own, it's for life. You have that baby, you can go back to grabbing chips and candy bars, pasta and potatoes. Yes, how awful to be forced by your doctor to prick your finger four times a day and eat healthy and count carbs for three months. That sort of a life is just terrrrrrrrible. Oh wait. That's my life.
It might not make me feel so bitter if it weren't for the fact that well, I feel very alone in this still. Matt doesn't need to take medication to eat, or watch what he eats, or be constantly aware of whereabouts his body chemistry is, and therefore he doesn't. I wouldn't expect him to, really. Although it would be nice if he was more aware of what he was eating, how much, etc. Even if he just kept a carb count and not restricted it to nutritional guidelines, it might be easier, but then again who knows? It might not. I might still feel alone because I'm the one that can't go for a long walk without being asked what my blood sugar is afterwards or if I ate a snack. I'm the one that can't eat potatoes or Ramen. I'm the one whose dietary needs means that we eat far less pasta, rolls, and only get certain kinds of bread.
Today Matt brought up his worries about Lorelai becoming diabetic. "We'll have to watch her blood sugar and be careful with what she eats," he fretted. I thought he meant right after the birth because I had mentioned a few days ago that children born to diabetics might have low blood sugar directly after birth. He said no, he meant overall because she was going to be genetically disposed to being diabetic.
So I guess it's not just me that worries that I've gifted my child with a time bomb that means that one day she's going to be the one that has to sit and deal with feelings that food is an unfortunate, tedious necessity, and be questioned about if she can do certain things or eat certain things, and if she ever has a child she may be at higher risk for GD, or she might have diabetes when she gets pregnant.
And I feel guilty for that, even though I'm not sure why, because I've been trying so hard to make sure that both she and I are as healthy as possible. But you can't argue with bad genetics.
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