I hadn't really planned to do much with my night. Matt is working the overnight shift and then got talked into adding a 7-3 shift on top of that for an unexpected double. I made his lunch and was prepared for a boring night and day ahead of me of catching up on reading for class when one of the parents that I used to babysit for made a facebook status offering 50 bucks to someone willing to watch their toddler while they went out tonight. The toddler in question happens to be one of my favorite kids in the entire world, so fifty bucks for hanging out with one of the coolest people in Virginia? Sign me up.
He hadn't seen me in at least six months, since summer, so it was a little rough when his mom and dad left. There were some tears, but after a few minutes we were fine, snuggled up on the couch and watching Caillou while he nibbled on chicken nuggets and drank some juice. He sat in my lap and we looked at books together, and I tried to get him to pull out the blocks to play with but it was a no go. We pretty much just had a relaxing night vegging out on the couch and then when he was rubbing his eyes and yawning, I turned off the tv and changed his diaper, tucking him under a little quilt and rubbing his back while I hummed 'You Are My Sunshine' to him.
And I realized just how much I miss watching these kids. This used to be my 11:30 in the afternoon, patting backs and singing to toddlers and watching as their eyelids and breaths would get heavy and eventually they would sink into sleep. I'd love to watch children again, but right now it wouldn't be possible. I have too many doctor's appointments, at least one a week. Next week I happen to have three, on Wednesday, Thursday, and then on Friday. Staring next week I'll have my NSTs, so I'd be going into Richmond at least twice weekly. I can't exactly take kids with me to my therapy sessions, and trying to reign in toddlers during my doctor's appointments aren't exactly something I would willingly put myself through if I didn't have to.
Next Saturday I have a playdate of sorts set up. The dad of one of the preschoolers I babysat set it up for me to spend some time with her every couple of weeks or so because she misses me so much and doesn't really have a lot of chances to get out of the house with his work schedule. We're going to see a movie together, though I'm not sure what. Curiously enough, there aren't many kids' movies out right now. She likes superhero movies too, but I haven't seen any either. I have a feeling the Hobbit would be far too long for a 4 year old's attention span.
It makes me even more antsy for Lorelai to get here, because I realize that I'm happiest when I'm caring for and spending time with children. It's comforting to me to be the one that sings them to sleep, to see a smile on their face when something delightful happens during a game, or to see them immersed in their imagination as we read books. So while I wait, I take the chances I can to spend time with these kids that I care about and watch them grow and learn some more and dream about the day when these things that we do - watching movies, going to the zoo, playing board games, reading books - are the things that I can do with my own child(ren).
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