Monday, January 28, 2013

New Awesome Sports

Let's set the scene for a great deal of my nights: Imagine my comfy blue couch. I fluff the pillows on it and lay down, pulling my laptop onto my rotund belly and settle in with a glass of water and a few chapters of my genetics textbook to read. Ahh, this is the life. And then, about thirty minutes in, the urge to get up for some reason (most likely food/water/bladder emptying measures) hits and I have a great need to no longer be laying down. So I carefully clear a space on the coffee table if there isn't one, set the laptop down and begin the treacherous ordeal of sitting up and then standing from my position on my back. I feel not unlike a turtle, only my shell is backwards, keeping me from coming to a sitting position very easily.

I'm pretty sure that what I need to do is start timing how long it takes for me to get on my feet from laying down on the couch and urge myself to beat the time. It's a new sport, of sorts. Fifty extra points if I don't end up wheezing, "Jesus, take the wheel!" at some point in the middle of a spew of profanity while my legs wiggle awkwardly somewhere between the floor and the coffee table.

At least our bed is on a frame now so that I can just roll and shimmy unceremoniously to the edge and hope that I land on my feet. It's hard to imagine that just three weeks ago we were sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor and I was able to get up without much trouble every single morning. Jesus, take the nachos, more like.

However, I was pleased today to see that I've only gained 1/2 a pound in nearly two weeks, especially since most of that will be fetal growth as well. So it's not that I'm so much heavier as I'm just more... large. In trying to find a gif that accurately represents the ludicrousness that is my body these days, this was possibly the most accurate thing I could find:


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