Friday, February 15, 2013

Shifting gears

This week in therapy I think I made a bit of a breakthrough, though it didn't come immediately. I spent most of the session yesterday talking about our pets, and when she brought up the baby, I mentioned that I hadn't really been too worried about the baby this week. I'm feeling her move again, and I'm not worried about labor and stillbirth as I have been. I've had a lot of other stress, and a lot of depressive thoughts, but nothing revolving around Lorelai. When I said this, she smiled and I didn't think too much of it. Before our session ended, she said that next time we would talk more about how my designated anxiety time has been.

And that's when I realized that this week I hadn't done that very much. I just hadn't thought of going into my little corner and worrying.

It's refreshing to think that I've been able to let go of my anxiety surrounding stillbirth, or at least not let it be as consuming as it had been. I had feared and honestly been convinced that the closer we got to my due date, the worse the nightmares and anxiety would become. I'm not sure if it's the work that I've done with my therapist that's given me the tools to keep my worry levels to a realistic intensity rather than this looming, all-encompassing thing, or if it's just a natural side effect of having everything go so smoothly. Either way, it's nice.

Another change that seems to have come about this week is the baby dropping a bit. I don't see much change in the way I'm carrying her, but other people have commented. I mostly feel it differently. There's a lot of pressure in my cervix, almost like a constant gentle cramp. I ache in new places, I pee every five minutes, and I'm exhausted. I'm relieved that I'll be induced so that there's a deadline there and no way that I'll be waiting and waiting with no end in sight as my due date comes and goes. Ha ha. However, I really don't want her to come early. Mostly because of her small size, she needs all the time she can get to grow without the responsibility of breathing and eating getting in the way. So four weeks, baby. You and me, it's a date.

No comments:

Post a Comment